


Light me up (and I light you brighter)

by ducksummoner



Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Feelings, Kissing, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 10:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20637377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ducksummoner/pseuds/ducksummoner
Summary: Seungwoo closes his eyes, taking in the sound of their heavy breathing and the floral scent of Seungyoun's shampoo. He wonders about how many countries he must've saved in his previous life to deserve love from someone like Seungyoun.or, Seungyoun frequently visits Seungwoo's 'counselling room' at night to talk about stuff, but neither one of them are aware of each other's feelings.





	Light me up (and I light you brighter)

  


When they first moved into their dorm, the younger members, in order to let the two of them sleep in peace, gave Seungwoo and Wooseok the luxury of having their own rooms. 

Seungwoo was, of course, extremely touched by their thoughtfulness. He even took the time to go out and get himself some scented candles for his room, lining them up neatly on his bedside table. In case he had trouble falling asleep, he could just light one up and let the warm fragrance lull him to sleep. 

The first few nights were quiet, everyone was too exhausted from the long hours of practice to make a ruckus when they got back to the dorm. But after a week of silence, Seungwoo suddenly found himself getting visits from the other members at night.

The length of these visits varied greatly from one member to another, Seungwoo noted. Among the 5 members who frequented his counselling room, which was what the members affectionately referred to it as, the younger members, Dongpyo, Junho and Minhee spend no longer than an hour each time they visit. However, the older members, Wooseok and Seungyoun, can easily spend up to 3 hours in there. 

The reason is simple. The kids usually visit him to ask for advice on how to further improve their singing and dancing, sometimes they just come in to chat for a little, and other times they're simply trying to escape from their roommate who was being annoying.

Wooseok and Seungyoun visit for very specific reasons. Being idols who have already made a debut (including Hangyul), they can safely say that they all share the same sentiment in regards to redebuting in X1 and leaving their original groups behind. The two of them often visit Seungwoo to have heart-to-heart conversations with him, because according to the members, Seungwoo is the best at listening to people. 

Even though he gets tired at times, Seungwoo doesn't mind. He's glad that he can be their pillar of support, the one person they willingly pour their hearts out to. He _is_ their leader, after all. Just like he was, still is, Victon's leader.

  


* * *

  


On the day they finished filming their debut MV, Seungyoun visits after the members have all finished showering. He pokes his head in through the gap between the door and the door frame, eyes gleaming as he asks, "Do you have time tonight, Seungwoo hyung?" 

Seungwoo has never rejected any of their requests to visit before, and he wasn't going to do it this time, either, even though he was dead tired and would most likely fall asleep the moment he closes his eyes for anything other than a blink. 

And so, he calls out a 'come in, Seungyoun', and watches as said male nervously trots into his dimly lit room, the only light source being one of his vanilla scented candles.

"Is something troubling you?" Seungwoo asks as Seungyoun climbs onto his bed, getting himself into a cross-legged position. 

"Well, no, not really. I know I usually come here when I have negative thoughts to let out, but that's not why I'm here tonight.." 

Seungwoo quirks up a brow, signalling for him to continue. 

"So, we finished filming the music video today, right?" 

Seungwoo nods. 

"And you know that part in the choreography the two of us do together? During your high note? Near the end?" 

Seungwoo nods again. 

"And you know how the director made us do it even more intimately than usual?" 

Seungwoo nods slowly, confused by what Seungyoun was trying to imply. 

"When we start promoting on music shows, we probably shouldn't do it the same way we did it just now, right? I mean, accidents can happen, right?" 

Seungwoo didn't understand for the life of him what Seungyoun could have possibly meant by that, "Accidents?"

"Like.. god, you're really gonna make me say it? You know, since we were so close to each other, something could go wrong if any one of us makes a wrong move." 

"...wrong move?" 

"Like, we could accidentally kiss each other if we get too close, that kind of wrong move!" 

Seungwoo can only offer Seungyoun a blank stare as his words slowly begin to register in his sleep-deprived head, until he finally realises what the younger male had just said. 

"Oh, you mean- Oh, right, yes. Of course, we won't do it like just now. That was just for the music video. You're right, it's too risky. Let's just do it like how we did it during practice. Yup." 

Seungwoo can see a laugh threatening to spill out of Seungyoun's lips, but he doesn't comment on it. "Sorry, I know you're really tired. I just wanted to settle that little issue because it was kind of bothering me. I'm gonna go back to my room now, good night, hyung! See you tomorrow morning."

With that, Seungyoun dashes out of the room and shuts the door behind him, so quickly that Seungwoo didn't even have time to say good night back. 

Seungwoo blows out the candle and throws his head back onto his pillow, and after abruptly coming to the realisation that what Seungyoun meant by wanting to settle _that little issue_ because it was _kind of bothering_ him was that the thought of the two of them accidentally kissing never left his head, Seungwoo takes a few more minutes to fall asleep.

  


* * *

  


Their debut showcase went off without a hitch, the only minor mistake being that Junho missed out one of his lines during _I'm here for you_, but it was an honest mistake, and the boy didn't seem to beat himself up about it too much. So, after a few 'it's alright's, Seungwoo and the rest of the members made a silent agreement to never mention it again.

That night, Seungwoo expects either Wooseok or Seungyoun to visit, and he's right, because the latter knocks on his door when he was just about to call it a night, poking his head in like he always does when Seungwoo gives him the signal to enter. 

"Sorry, bad timing again. But I was using Hangyul's twitter just now and people are going insane over that little thing I did to Wooseok during _U Got It_, so I'm here to clarify that I only did that for fun, not for anything else." 

Seungwoo lets out a confused chuckle, "Yeah, I expected it to blow up, but you really didn't have to explain yourself, and why to me?" 

"I don't know," Seungyoun rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, "Didn't want you to misunderstand, because I know it was completely out of the blue. I honestly don't know why I did it either.." 

Seungwoo pats his bed, finding it strange that Seungyoun hasn't already dove straight onto it like how he usually would. Seungyoun, thankfully, gets the message quickly and fills up the empty space on his fairly large bed. 

"Don't worry about stuff like this. Even if someone were to misunderstand, it'll probably be Wooseok, so go and tell him what you just told me if you haven't already, if it makes you feel better, alright?" 

Seungwoo offers the younger male the most reassuring smile he could manage at that point in time, and takes Seungyoun's smaller hands into his own larger ones, just for good measures. 

"Alright, I will." Seungyoun's gaze lingers on their intertwined fingers. 

The two of them sit in silence for a little while, but the silence is strangely comforting, just like the warmth from each other's hands.

"I really didn't want to cry at the showcase just now." Seungwoo's voice breaks the silence, and Seungyoun raises his head to look at him. 

"My sister is gonna bully me about it forever." He lets out a breathy laugh, and Seungyoun's eyes visibly soften. 

"It's cool, Hyeongjun cried too. I cried a little, too. Guess we just suck at holding back our tears. Curse these tear ducts." 

Seungwoo laughs, the genuine kind, and Seungyoun's heart swells with a strange sense of accomplishment. 

"I'm supposed to be your leader, though. Your pillar of support. How can I support you if I'm always breaking down all the time.." 

Seungyoun lays his head on Seungwoo's lap, which was covered by his blanket, and groans loud enough for the annoyance in his voice to be heard, "You don't have to pretend to be invincible. We're humans, we're born with these emotions. You don't have to suppress them just to make us feel better. In any case, it's just going to make us feel worse, because we know that you're the type of person who bottles up their feelings, and sooner or later, they're going to overfill." 

Even though Seungyoun's voice was slightly muffled by the blanket, Seungwoo heard every word loud and clear. With his free hand, he runs his fingers through Seungyoun's black hair, which was still a little wet from the shower he took earlier, and tries not to laugh at how much he resembles a cat resting on his lap. 

"Thank you, Seungyoun, and the rest of the members, too. People have told me that it was a bad idea joining the show, but they don't see this, they don't see how happy I am. So I guess I can't really blame them for making assumptions." 

When Seungyoun doesn't reply, Seungwoo thinks that maybe he didn't know what to say, but soon the sound of his heavy breathing fills the room, and Seungwoo realises that the younger male had fallen asleep on his lap. 

Seungwoo smiles fondly, and brings his face close enough to press a very brief kiss on the side of Seungyoun's cheek, then another one on his forehead. His eyes linger on Seungyoun's pale pink lips, but decides against it. 

He's not going to do it today. Not when he's asleep.

  


* * *

  


Their first music show win came as a shock, and Seungwoo can't remember most of it. Everything, from the emcee's voice announcing that X1 were the 1st place winners that day, to Yuvin handing him the first music show trophy he has ever received in his career as a singer, to the loud cheers from their fans as he delivers a thank you speech on behalf of his group, was a complete blur. 

Seungwoo wasn't too thrilled to see Seungyoun knocking on his door at 12am, verbally asking for permission to enter his room. He wanted to sleep as soon as possible to rid his head of all the weird thoughts, but it'll have to wait. 

Seungyoun decides to make a grand entrance by catapulting himself onto the bed, and for a split second Seungwoo genuinely feared for his life, but it was all for naught because the one who suffered the most damage from Seungyoun's antics ended up being the bed. 

"Cool, but please never do that again." Seungwoo attempts to tidy up the mess Seungyoun made on his bed, while the latter just laughs, his eyes turning into little crescent moons. 

"But I woke you up, didn't I?" 

"I'm actually not that sleepy right now, though?" 

"You were spacing out basically the whole ride home. Your eyes were open but it looked as if they were staring into blank space," Seungyoun's the one who initiates the hand-grabbing this time. He looks at Seungwoo with an overfilling amount of concern in his eyes, and runs his thumb over Seungwoo's pale knuckles, "Are you okay, hyung?" 

Seungwoo feels that making eye contact with Seungyoun right now would only add to the intimacy of the moment, so he refrains from doing so and instead speaks with his eyes glued to the fabric of his pyjama pants. 

"I'm fine, Seungyoun, really. Everything today just happened so fast that I guess I got a little disoriented. I'll be back to normal tomorrow, so there's no need to worry about me." 

Seungyoun wasn't satisfied with the response he received, and neither was he satisfied with the fact that Seungwoo refused to look at him when he spoke. So, he quickly thought up a plan to tackle those two issues. 

With his free hand, he gently lifts Seungwoo's face up by his chin. The pair of glossy eyes that greet him immediately made him feel like the _biggest_ asshole on planet earth. 

"What are you-" Seungwoo's eyes widen, and his free hand flies up to swat away the one which was currently placed on his face without his consent, but even though Seungyoun felt bad, _really bad_, he wouldn't be able to sleep if he didn't at least do this. 

"I'm sorry, but I can't brush this off and then act like nothing happened tomorrow. Will you at least answer one of my questions truthfully? Just one." Seungwoo sighs in defeat, and nods with his eyes closed, so he wouldn't see the look of triumph he knows is on Seungyoun's face at that moment. 

"Are you okay?" 

When Seungwoo opens his eyes, there was no triumph on Seungyoun's face. Just pure, unadulterated concern. 

There was no longer any reason to lie, so Seungwoo doesn't. 

"Honestly, no. I know it's dumb, I'm supposed to be happy. Exhilarated, even. I finally got my first music show win after 3 years of debuting, what's not to be happy about, right? And I am happy, I can't say that I'm not, that would be a lie. It's just, I feel like I'm doing something wrong receiving that award, it feels like I just pushed my blood-related family into a ditch and left them there to rot. It feels horrible." 

Silence engulfs the two of them for a few minutes, and Seungwoo feels compelled to keep his eyes shut, afraid of what he was going to see if he opens them. He thinks that maybe he shouldn't have told Seungyoun the truth after all, but then he feels the hand on his chin travel to the side of his face, and feels the sensation of skin running over his bottom lip, sending numerous shivers down his spine. 

Gaining courage from the touch, he finally decides to open his eyes. He sees Seungyoun looking at him with the most tender gaze he could possibly possess, and suddenly wishes he hadn't opened his eyes, because there was an extremely high chance that his heart might just explode into smithereens right there and then. 

"Me too. Wooseok most likely feels the same way, too. You're not alone, you don't have to feel like you're alone. We already talked about this before! You really don't have to pretend to be invincible, especially not with me." 

Seungyoun brings his hand away from his face, and Seungwoo lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. 

"It's a bad habit I'm going to have to break." Seungwoo admits with a sheepish smile. Seungyoun's worried expression changes into something resembling relief, "Take your time, we have 5 years together, after all." 

Seungwoo manages a smile, despite the dull ache that began to spread across his chest after hearing those words. 

_But even five years isn't enough for me, Seungyoun._

  


* * *

  


In just a few days time, Seungwoo finds himself on stage receiving their 3rd music show win. It's less of a blur now, and after getting an earful from Seungyoun the other day, the happiness he feels after being announced as the winner is no longer mixed in with an overwhelming sense of guilt. 

During their encore stage, Seungyoun stood close to him for most of it, close enough for Seungwoo to place a hand on his back when the backing track for their little duet part began to play, prompting the younger male to turn back with the slightest bit of confusion etched across his face. 

Seungwoo reaches out for Seungyoun's hand, and doesn't let go even when he's belting out the last high note in the song. He would've continued holding on to Seungyoun if he could, but Dongpyo pushes himself inbetween the two of them, breaking their only form of contact in a split second. 

Seungwoo sets a mental reminder in his head to hold Seungyoun's hand, or just Seungyoun in general, more often. 

After the music show, they head off to their second schedule of the day with exceptionally good moods. Maybe that was what had influenced Seungyoun to whisper out an 'I love you' during the last segment of their Idol Radio broadcast, when each of the members had to say something to the person on their left while holding their hand. 

Whatever the reason for it might've been, Seungwoo feels his heart nearly leap out of his chest all the same, and because keeping eye contact with Seungyoun at that moment would risk him potentially passing out from having so much blood rush to his face at once, he forces himself to look away as soon as possible. 

Seungwoo doesn't see Seungyoun's face scrunch up with disappointment when his little 'confession' failed to get a response from the elder. Instead, he turns to Wooseok, who happened to be the person on his left, and tells him that they should eat chicken feet together someday. 

  


* * *

  


The fact that he didn't say anything to Seungyoun's 'I love you' comes back to haunt him during their ride back to the dorm. Seungwoo tries to convince himself that Seungyoun probably didn't mean anything by it. It definitely wasn't the first time he said that to one of the members, and it's perfectly normal for them to throw around the L word like it's no big deal, so Seungwoo was just being dumb for making it into one. 

After telling himself that this issue will soon be forgotten by Seungyoun anyways, so there's no reason for him to overthink, he's finally able to listen to his music in peace for the rest of the ride. 

But, just like how he miscalculated how hard it actually was to survive in the industry after making his first debut as an idol, and how detrimental dancing for long hours actually was to his post-surgery knees, he miscalculated how affected Seungyoun actually was by what happened earlier. 

For starters, the Seungyoun who came to his room that night sat on his bed noticeably further away than usual, the expression on his face also noticeably gloomier than usual. 

An unbearable silence hangs in the air. Seungwoo feels like he's being suffocated by it. 

Seungyoun doesn't meet his gaze when he eventually starts talking. 

"Have you ever fallen in love before, hyung?" 

It wasn't a question he's never been asked before, but somehow it still takes Seungwoo by surprise when it leaves the younger male's mouth. 

"Uh, not in love, I don't think, just small crushes here and there, the usual.." Then he sees Seungyoun in front of him, sitting cross-legged on the other side of his bed in his light grey pyjamas, black hair that had been growing out for a while now framed his pale face, "Okay, maybe only once." 

"Hm, tell me what they're like." 

Seungwoo has absolutely no idea why he was suddenly being interrogated, but he doesn't question it, at least not now, when Seungyoun still looked like a kitten that just lost its favourite toy. 

"They're like the sun, overbearingly warm and blindingly bright but in the best way possible. They're also odd, in a way, because even though they give other people so much happiness, they don't seem to ask for anything in return. Oh, and they're also unfairly beautiful, more than anyone or anything else in the world." 

"They sound like a great person." Seungyoun smiles, though Seungwoo questions the genuity behind it. 

Mindlessly, Seungwoo hums in agreement, "Yeah, you really are." 

Whether or not that was actually a slip of the tongue, even Seungwoo himself doesn't know. Maybe the many months of pining for the other has finally taken its toll on him, or maybe he just got too caught up in trying to make Seungyoun look less sad that he forgot he wasn't actually supposed to tell him how he felt. 

Seungyoun momentarily stuns at his words, on his face hung an unreadable expression when he finally decided to look at Seungwoo for the first time since he entered the room, "What? Hyung, what did you just say?" 

"That you're a great person..?" 

"Seungwoo, please, tell me if this is just a joke so I can go back to my room and act like it never happened." 

He sees tears beginning to well up in Seungyoun's eyes, and _yup, I'm actually the biggest asshole on planet earth, did I really just make him cry oh my god-_

"It's not a joke!" Seungwoo shuffles closer to Seungyoun, whose eyes had already gone puffy and red even though he was visibly trying to suppress his tears, "It's really not a joke. I meant every word I said." 

Seungwoo presses a kiss on the back of Seungyoun's hands, then on his palms, and intertwines their fingers together, as a way to prove his sincerity. 

"So the person you're in love with.." Seungyoun's words trail off, but Seungwoo smiles and finishes it off for him, "It's you." 

"Since when?" 

"I honestly don't know. Maybe since that one time you hugged me in the practice room in front of everybody during concept evaluations, or maybe it was way before that, or maybe somewhere inbetween I just happened to fall for your crazy antics like everyone else who was watching the show." Seungyoun lets out a little laugh at his words, and suddenly Seungwoo feels his face heat up from embarrassment. 

"So, what about you, huh? Since when?" Was Seungwoo's pathetic attempt at getting back at Seungyoun for embarrassing him, but it didn't seem to have worked at all as Seungyoun's smile only grew wider, "It first started as admiration, just like the rest of the trainees. Somewhere along the way I realised that admiring someone probably didn't include wanting to kiss them. I think it was when your name got called during the final broadcast, did I finally come to terms with the fact that I may or may not have been stupidly pining for someone for months." 

Seungwoo hears the sound of his heart drumming against his chest, "Then should we do it right now?" 

"Do what?" 

"Kiss." 

Seungwoo used to think that he was the only one who wanted to do this. But well, it's not like anyone bothered to correct him, so how could he have known that Seungyoun had wanted it as much as him? 

Seungyoun tastes sweet, just like he expected. Everything about Seungyoun is sweet, from the scent of his perfume that still lingered on the back of his neck, to the sound of his laughter whenever Seungwoo says something remotely funny. Seungwoo's glad that their lips seemed to fit perfectly together, just like the puzzle pieces he enjoyed putting together as a child, because there was no one else he would rather do this with. No one else he would _ever_ do this with, if it wasn't Seungyoun. 

Seungwoo runs his tongue across Seungyoun's bottom lip, fingers tracing along his jawline, down the side of his neck, all the way to his exposed collarbone. 

It doesn't take much for Seungyoun to get riled up, Seungwoo notes happily, even though he could say the same for himself. Seungyoun's skin burns under his touch, and he wonders if it was also the same for him. When they finally pull away for air, Seungyoun rests his head on Seungwoo's right shoulder, planting a few light kisses on his tattoo which peeked out from the round collar t-shirt he was wearing. 

Seungwoo closes his eyes, taking in the sound of their heavy breathing and the floral scent of Seungyoun's shampoo. He wonders about how many countries he must've saved in his previous life to deserve love from someone like Seungyoun. 

"There's something I still have to ask," Seungyoun starts, his breath tickling the side of Seungwoo's neck. For some reason, Seungwoo feels himself getting nervous, but he tries his best to hide it, "What is it?" 

"Why did you ignore my confession earlier? Do you know how hard it screwed my head up? I mean, just a couple of hours ago you were grabbing my hand during the encore stage, and looking at me all cute and stuff. God, I can't believe how good my self control has become because of you!" Seungwoo blinks at that statement, but doesn't comment, "Then when it was my turn to show affection, you don't even bat an eye! The L word, hyung, I used _the L word_, and you left me hanging. Not to mention you were totally ready to ditch me for that chicken feet date with Wooseok." 

Seungwoo sighs and presses their foreheads together, their noses a few millimeters away from touching, "I'm sorry, I'm dumb. I got nervous and forgot to say it back. Also, I'm obviously not ditching you just to eat chicken feet with Wooseok, we already do that here all the time." 

Seungyoun was still pouting about it, and even though Seungwoo wants nothing more than to kiss it off his face, he decides to solve the problem like a normal person, "Tell me what I can do to make it up to you?" 

"Say it back to me." 

Seungwoo lets a smile grace his lips, "I love you, Seungyoun." 

"Okay, that's good enough."

"I love you." 

"I _said_, that's good enough!" 

"No no, at least let me say it a few more times. I love you, I love you, do you know that I love you? Because I love you, I love-" 

Seungyoun shuts him up in the softest way possible, with fingers running through his faded blue hair and velvety lips on his chapped ones. _This is probably what heaven feels like_, Seungwoo thinks, before letting himself melt even further into the warm light that radiates off Seungyoun's perfectly pale skin.

  


**Author's Note:**

> my first x1 work that just HAD to be about these two because i love them so much, inspired by that one time seungwoo talked about how his room became a counselling room and the numerous ryeonseung moments we've gotten over the last few months! this took me 4 whole days to write rip i hope it's at least a little bit good;;


End file.
